I know what you might be thinking.

“What makes you such an expert? How do you know there are a lot of trans people having cyber sex, if they’re so stealth while online?”

Well, I’m an expert for several reasons. One, because I have spent a lot of time in sex groups online. Two, because I know a lot of trans people. And three, when one’s sexuality is socially repressed, where else do you go? Now, I rarely advertise my trans status in online sex spaces, because I happen to detest my male genitals, and do not want to be fetishised for them. On the other hand, I’m not stealth either, and will disclose it freely if the topic should arise. And does it ever arise! For some elusive secret reason, discussions of gender and identity are commonplace in internet sex circles (not to be confused with circle sex, which, incidentally, is also great). When I mention my own gender identity, the most common response is a casual acknowledgement followed by well-intended questions. At the least, this alone should give you some indication as to how many people are at least curious about gender variance.

The amount of gender variance visible to the naked eye should be another indicator of how widely we are spread, even if not all of us label ourselves transgender. This is especially true in the popular virtual world simulation Second Life.

“Wait, you mean the video game?”

Well yes, but no. There are games within Second Life, but in and of itself, it is certainly not a game. People interact, create, buy, sell, travel, explore, build, and yes, even fuck each other inside of this video game-esque virtual environment. It even has a real working economy, which saw $144 million US dollars travel through in Q2 2009 alone. It also has real opposition. Interestingly, the loudest opposition to sex-positive virtual space is the religious right. There are even missionary groups who wonder the virtual streets daily, bringing the word to the fuzzy-wuzzies in sinful cyber-land.

“Wait a sec. The religious right? How did the church crowd come to know of our activities there?”

Hmmm…

“But why bother with a virtual life, when you can do all that stuff in the real world? You’re a lazy ninny, and you smell of pizza.”

Hey, who doesn’t like pizza? Actually, the reason that over 7 million people have second life accounts is, at it’s very core, the inherent freedom of identity. From clothing style, to social behaviour, to hobbies, to the way we have sex, Second Life offers a place where literally millions of people have felt comfortable being the true selves that real life society does not accept.

“Wow! Seems like my gender dysphoria is similar to the restrictions a lot of people feel!”

Yes, and our visibility due to our physical change, and our refusal to conform to society’s comfort level, make it even harder for us to cope. That and, like other visible deviants, we have a stigma that society has attached to us. This stigma is brutal and merciless. It tells us we are not wanted; that we are inferior. It is little wonder that an estimated 31% of trans people commit suicide, and over 50% have attempted suicide before the age of 20. That makes me a sad bunny.

“I love bunnies! I would just love to hope around in a bunny suit all day! But I don’t, of course. That would be silly.”

Many people have aspects of their identity which they hide because society at large finds it silly, awkward, or even repulsive. Transsexuals are people who have gone through great lengths and hardships, suffering public humiliation and rejection, to be their true selves. You know what? That makes me a proud bunny! To all the partners of trans people: praise your special someone for their amazing courage and genuine spirit. Do it now!

^_^

Okay… back to sex.

“Jeez, you’re a horny one, ain’t ya?”

Well, I may be in bed with the topic, but it’s why we’re here, isn’t it? So now that we’ve established why trans-folk hang out and have sex online, lets move ahead for the juicy details (pun intended!), and go on to the what. What do we do? What do we fantasise about? What are our fetishes? What kind of virtual partners do we look for? What kind of online environments attract us? Virtual sex is every bit as diverse as physical sex, if not more so. Any stretch of the imagination is possible.

Fact is, we deserve to be able to participate in and talk about sex without being invalidated or marginalised, the cyber kind included. No, sex is not the only reason we transitioned, but for many of us, it’s a big one. Cis people can love their parts but we can’t? I’m having none of it.

So tell us, how do you like to get e-down?