Right! On to the important stuff: Orgasms!

This entry will be primarily directed toward trans women, however it works for guys just the same, so dudes, you are welcome to give your feedback as well I say directed primarily at women because this technique has done SO much for my libido and self-confidence; something I hear a lot of trans women struggling with.

Orgasmic sensation was a big deal for me when I started on oestrogen. I really like having orgasms. They are great, yes? But oestrogen has a very big impact on one’s ability to climax, as I well learned. I have heard tales of woe from many a trans woman during the past two years, and I have decided to share the secret of climaxing without physical sensation (or enhancing physical sensation); or “energy orgasm”. Please note that your experience may differ, however, most human beings (if not all) are capable of what I am about to describe. I share this in order to hopefully ease your fears about loss of sensation or libido, whether pre-op, post-op, or non-op.

Before I start, I will give a brief explanation to help you understand what I am talking about. There is a difference between orgasm and ejaculation. In fact, they are completely separate processes! When penis-owners have sex, or masturbate, the ejaculation causes a very brief orgasm, unless facilitated by proper breathing (also, ejaculation may occur without orgasm). The following technique will assist you in reaching more powerful, and longer-lasting, orgasms with or without ejaculation or even physical sensation. Remember, the following is based on my own experience as a male-to-female transgender woman. Hormone replacement has likely played a big part in how I experience this sensation.

So, follow these easy steps, and in a gasped breath of ecstasy, you will thank the cosmos for bringing you this secret arcane knowledge! Well, okay, it’s not easy for everyone, especially people who used to have the potent combination of a penis and testosterone. I am here to tell you that it is possible. You do not need to be born a woman to achieve this state, as per common belief. With breathing alone, you can have an orgasm more powerful than you have ever imagined

The technique is commonly referred to as full wave breathing. It is circular breathing with a conscious control of your body’s energy. Now, if you were like me a year ago, you are likely thinking “Oh, that mystical rubbish? That’s not real.” Well, whether or not humans can manifest clean socks or speak to the departed, body energy is most certainly real, and conscious control over it is most certainly possible. I speak as a fellow skeptic when I say “Trust me! This works!” Like I said, learning full wave breathing can be difficult for some. If trying it on your own doesn’t work for you, then you can probably find someone in your area who teaches it.

Step 1: Prepare As you learn how to do this, you won’t need this step. When learning, though, it is easiest to sex up your environment. Lie on your back, prop your head up on a comfy pillow, make yourself totally comfortable and relaxed. I like to turn off the lights, light some candles, and get some good sexy music playing. I also really like black lights. A lot. They are sexy.

Step 2: Get In The Mood Half of what you are about to do is in your mind. The brain is the biggest sex organ, and after experiencing the energy orgasm, I now understand why they say that. It’s not like sex with a cock and testosterone typically is. You have to get in the mood; your body has to generate sexual energy. Move around, squirm in a sexy fashion, make sexy noises, picture yourself as the very image of sexual arousal. You are a sexy vixen! You also want to maintain these movements throughout; but make them subtle. You want to concentrate on your breathing, not any elaborate movements.

Step 3: Breathe This is the part where you let go of all inhibitions. Let go of all stress, all scepticism, and start to breathe in a circular motion. This means that you try to transition your inhaling and exhaling so that one flows into the other. Visualise a wheel turning, and your breathing following the wheel. You are one with the wheel!

Step 4: Squeeze Your Pee Muscle Actually, it’s called the pubococcygeus muscle. It’s the muscle you contract when you want to stop yourself from peeing. Contract it and hold it in every time you exhale; then let it go when you begin to inhale. Do that with every breath.

Step 5: Visualise Now visualise all that sexual energy you’ve generated sweeping up your body in waves as you breathe. I see it as a purple wave, but that’s just me. First, let it reach the base of your spine, then once you start to feel tingly there, visualise it going up to your abdomen, then your solar plexus, then your chest, your throat, then your brow. When I reach my brow, I feel the tingly sensation as a ring around my head, as though I were wearing a hat, but it’s tingly and warm. Finally, when you’re aroused enough, release all that energy upward through the crown of your head, aaaand…

Step 6: Orgasm! The sensation of an energy orgasm can be anywhere from very subtle to toe-curling glass-shattering mind-blowingly powerful. The amount of energy you get out of it, as with all things, equals the amount of energy you put into it. If you are familiar with meditation, this technique will come easily to you. To those who don’t meditate, it takes a little longer to learn. The most important thing is believing that it can be done. Take it from me; it can.

Of course, the technique and result will differ from person to person. This is evident in the myriad names and taught techniques for this phenomenon, whether full wave orgasm, energy orgasm, tantric orgasm, fire breath orgasm… and the list goes on. It took me nearly a month of trying this every other night before I finally did it, but I’ve heard of others achieving an amazing result on the first try. The technique reportedly also not only works for men, but actually gives them more endurance to boot!

Personally, I found that my experience was much like how a female orgasm is typically described. They are less physically stimulating, but much more emotionally satisfying. It’s not about focusing on the genitals, but about absorbing the environment around you.

I would love to hear others’ experiences with orgasmic breathing, and if/how it has helped you; especially if this tutorial helped you/hindered you.

There you are! Have fun, kittens Hope this is useful to you.

Tris

Others find a way around it. The human imagination is a wonderful problem solving tool. Indeed nothing could get solved without it. And for a great time in bed, imagination is essential. This is true for trans and cis people alike. For trans people, however, imagination can also break down those barriers. Gay and lesbian people have used their imagination for centuries to find creative ways to have sex. We can use these techniques as well, but since we also have to deal with the mental block surrounding our genitals, we need to take that imagination one step further to reframe our mindset about how we view our genitals.

One easy way to do this is to shift your language. As Tobi Hill-Meyer points out in As Different As The Next Girl, we can prefer our parts to be referred to by different names, often names that correspond to the genitalia we feel we should have. I’ve often referred to my penis as “a big clit.” Likewise we can shift other aspects of our sexual language to suit our gender identities. A good example of this would be for a pre-op trans girl to refer to her arousal as “getting wet,” even though there’s no actual lubrication involved.

Fantasy is another area which a trans person can utilize to overcome mental barriers to sex. Most people, at one time or another, have closed their eyes during sex and/or while masturbating, to imagine themselves in a completely different scenario. Sometimes we imagine being with a different partner, sometimes we use fantasy to role-play in our minds. Sometimes we fantasize about having sex in a different environment. Quite often, even though the fantasy only plays out in our mind, we get so turned on by it that it ends up feeling  almost real to us. Trans people can utilize this technique, to shift our bodies in the mind’s eye, to match our personal sense of how our bodies should be configured. This frequently results in odd sensations such as “phantom genitalia,” where we feel the sensation of having the genitalia we desire, even though it doesn’t exist in reality yet. It’s a powerful sensation that can have a profoundly positive effect on our ability to enjoy sex.

When done together with a partner, this can be especially exciting. I’ve heard of cases where both partners shared in the fantasy, enjoying it together, resulting in a cissexual partner experiencing the phantom genitalia phenomenon as well. It doesn’t happen all the time, of course, but when it does, the cissexual partner has the potential to feel deeply connected to their trans partner.

Of course, all of this needs to be taken with a grain of salt. Sometimes the feeling of dysphoria is just too great for a trans person to feel comfortable using any of these techniques. The best way to handle this is to leave the part of the body causing the dysphoria alone, and concentrate on other ways of pleasuring your partner. Conversely, a non-op trans person may not feel the need to use any of these techniques, as many are happy with their birth genitals. While it is true that some cisgender partners can share in the experience, for others it can be very threatening to them, or even disruptive. If you are a cisgender person and are just starting to get to know a trans person on an intimate level, you may not be aware of what techniques your partner employs. In this situation, it’s essential to talk to your trans partner to understand what you can do to help them, and also to understand what your partners boundaries are.

Question: What techniques do you use to help yourself or your partner to overcome feelings of dysphoria during sex?