I’m definitely comfortable going into a sex store, and I’ll happily take all tips sent my way. I just sort of feel like there isn’t much point. With HRT’s affects on my libido, my sexuality is much, much more boring without a partner. Does anyone else feel that way?

I have found, though have not yet tried, something I think could be awesome:

http://www.shevibe.com/Mr.-Bendy-Softwear-Skin-Dildo-AKA-The-Silky.aspx

a dildo for packing and playing. Also, for Cassandra, if you’re comfortable going into a sex store (that’s emphatically NOT just a novelty shop – I highly recommend Good Vibrations) usually the clerks are really sex-positive, and will help you look into some starter toys. If there’s not a good one nearby, you can also check out goodvibes.com – they have a section for beginners that includes a basic introduction to toys.

I really wish I could contribute to this topic, but I have no experience with any of this stuff! I’ve thought about buying a fleshlight? That’s about it. Don’t get me wrong. I’d love to explore these things, but I don’t know where to begin, and I certainly havne’t had a partner I could experiment with either.

Ahhhh, the packer! I bought my packer around eight months ago, and I love it. I remember the day I went out with my partner to get it, along with a pair of guy’s Y-fronts that had enough space for it to fit snugly inside (the two gay men at the store were extremely nice about helping me find a pair that would work on a girl’s body for crossdressing). I took it home, put a light dusting of baking soda on it to keep it nice and soft and realistic feeling (they get a little tacky after washing them), and slipped it into the front of my new boy-pants. I have to admit, I did get a little emotional seeing myself with a penis in the mirror for the first time, especially with a baggy tee-shirt and messy short hair that made me appear even more boyish. It was a realism that a bright blue piece of silicon strapped into a purple velvet harness around my hips and ass just couldn’t capture. It was a little bit of a shock, but the nice kind of shock. I definitely wasn’t disappointed.

And I’m still not. I would recommend a packer to any non/pre-op transman, along with the baking soda (it really does add a touch more realism to the feel of it, especially in your hands or the hands of a partner). Sometimes I’ll get it out randomly when I’m lazing around the house or laying in bed with her, or even on dates when I’m crossdressing. During sex, of course, there’s that moment where you become “erect” and you have to switch out the packer for a dildo.

My favourite dildos are the ones that look and feel realistic. There’s one I have my eye on right now that’s flesh-coloured and shaped, has all the veins and such, and even has a thin outside layer that moves and feels like skin. Sometimes it’s fun to play with something bright fuchsia and shaped like a dolphin, but especially when I’m crossdressing I prefer something realistic looking.

The great thing about dildos is that, if you press them right against your clit, thrusting can be pleasureful for both of you. If you angle it correctly, or have your partner press it down firmly as they use their hands or mouth on it, it can feel pretty realistic if you imagine having your “penis” touched is the reason you’re experiencing that pleasure. Also, watching as your partner touches your “penis” can be a turn on too, especially if it is a flesh-coloured, realistic looking one. In the heat of the moment it can be easy to forget that it isn’t actually a part of you, which can make the transformation easier.

Harnesses for dildos can be fun to play with, but again they take away from the realism. If you can ignore it and overcome the feel of it, being able to have sex whilst not having to hold onto your “penis” is great. The only downside of that is that you have to put up with straps around your hips, thighs and ass. So it’s really down to personal preference.