Sex toys are wonderful things! They can make a solo session much more fun, and when incorporated into your routine properly, they can also enhance the connection you have with your partner. From vibrators to cock rings, here’s a look at how we can use these toys to enhance our experience.
Dildos
Talk to someone new to sex toys and the first thing that will come to mind will be the dildo. These come in all shapes, sizes, colours and materials. Of course, when you’re a pre/non-op trans woman, they don’t immediately seem all that useful. However, the right dildo can work wonders for anal play, especially if you’re just starting out. You don’t want to go straight into inserting something large like a full erect penis right away, so start off with a small butt plug, preferably one with a widening shaft, to help you ease into a larger diameter. Just make sure you use one with a flared base, to prevent the dildo from going all the way in.
For pre/non-op trans men, the strap-on is for the most part, a pretty intuitive option. It’s a common option for lesbian couples (though not as common as straight men would like to think!). What guy doesn’t want to strap on a big cock? This can work with harder dildos meant for penetration, or with soft packers for everyday use. For trans women, this is also a good option – especially since the fact that a dildo isn’t the real thing, it can be easier emotionally for a trans woman to use. This can work for a pre/non-op trans woman as well as post op; if you still have a penis, adjust the strap-on so it sits a little bit above the existing genitals for more comfort (and to prevent crushing your donor material).
Vibrators
Traditionally made for (cisgender) women, vibrators can be used on a person of any sex. Some are integrated into dildos, which can add pleasure to an already enhanced sexual experience, but others can stand on their own. Small, oval shaped vibrators are called egg vibrators, and are the most basic form. No matter your gender identity or op-status, find your most sensitive spots, and put your vibrator there for some powerful sensations! The Magic Wand, built originally as a back massager (but we all know what you really use it for…), is particularly known for its powerful motor. The Magic Wand can be many times more powerful than other vibrators, so depending on your level of sensitivity, you may need something in between to muffle it. For those who are recently post-op, it’s best to wait until you are fully healed before taking on the Magic Wand!
Cock Rings
These are large rings that, when placed around the base of the penis, prevent blood from returning to the rest of the body. For pre/non-op trans women who enjoy using their penis but have difficulty with erections due to hormones, this can be effective at helping to stay in the game. Cock rings may also be of some assistance to trans men who have had a phalloplasty, though if the penis can’t get erect in the first place, this may not be of much help. Vibrating cock rings add some extra pleasure, and if your partner has a clit, they can get some pleasure out of it, too.
Question: How do you incorporate sex toys into your sex life?
Ahhhh, the packer! I bought my packer around eight months ago, and I love it. I remember the day I went out with my partner to get it, along with a pair of guy’s Y-fronts that had enough space for it to fit snugly inside (the two gay men at the store were extremely nice about helping me find a pair that would work on a girl’s body for crossdressing). I took it home, put a light dusting of baking soda on it to keep it nice and soft and realistic feeling (they get a little tacky after washing them), and slipped it into the front of my new boy-pants. I have to admit, I did get a little emotional seeing myself with a penis in the mirror for the first time, especially with a baggy tee-shirt and messy short hair that made me appear even more boyish. It was a realism that a bright blue piece of silicon strapped into a purple velvet harness around my hips and ass just couldn’t capture. It was a little bit of a shock, but the nice kind of shock. I definitely wasn’t disappointed.
And I’m still not. I would recommend a packer to any non/pre-op transman, along with the baking soda (it really does add a touch more realism to the feel of it, especially in your hands or the hands of a partner). Sometimes I’ll get it out randomly when I’m lazing around the house or laying in bed with her, or even on dates when I’m crossdressing. During sex, of course, there’s that moment where you become “erect” and you have to switch out the packer for a dildo.
My favourite dildos are the ones that look and feel realistic. There’s one I have my eye on right now that’s flesh-coloured and shaped, has all the veins and such, and even has a thin outside layer that moves and feels like skin. Sometimes it’s fun to play with something bright fuchsia and shaped like a dolphin, but especially when I’m crossdressing I prefer something realistic looking.
The great thing about dildos is that, if you press them right against your clit, thrusting can be pleasureful for both of you. If you angle it correctly, or have your partner press it down firmly as they use their hands or mouth on it, it can feel pretty realistic if you imagine having your “penis” touched is the reason you’re experiencing that pleasure. Also, watching as your partner touches your “penis” can be a turn on too, especially if it is a flesh-coloured, realistic looking one. In the heat of the moment it can be easy to forget that it isn’t actually a part of you, which can make the transformation easier.
Harnesses for dildos can be fun to play with, but again they take away from the realism. If you can ignore it and overcome the feel of it, being able to have sex whilst not having to hold onto your “penis” is great. The only downside of that is that you have to put up with straps around your hips, thighs and ass. So it’s really down to personal preference.
I really wish I could contribute to this topic, but I have no experience with any of this stuff! I’ve thought about buying a fleshlight? That’s about it. Don’t get me wrong. I’d love to explore these things, but I don’t know where to begin, and I certainly havne’t had a partner I could experiment with either.
I have found, though have not yet tried, something I think could be awesome:
http://www.shevibe.com/Mr.-Bendy-Softwear-Skin-Dildo-AKA-The-Silky.aspx
a dildo for packing and playing. Also, for Cassandra, if you’re comfortable going into a sex store (that’s emphatically NOT just a novelty shop – I highly recommend Good Vibrations) usually the clerks are really sex-positive, and will help you look into some starter toys. If there’s not a good one nearby, you can also check out goodvibes.com – they have a section for beginners that includes a basic introduction to toys.
I’m definitely comfortable going into a sex store, and I’ll happily take all tips sent my way. I just sort of feel like there isn’t much point. With HRT’s affects on my libido, my sexuality is much, much more boring without a partner. Does anyone else feel that way?