I know for me sexual stuff was a game of Russian Roulette half the time.

If I could adequately forget what I had down there, no dysphoria was triggered and I could orgasm just fine. But if was suddenly reminded, I was pretty much done and in pain.

As per my own dysphoria, the pain is based entirely on the organs being present at all, so it does become necessary to create some illusions in order to protect my brain.

Pretending that I already have a vagina helps to actually be functional sexually. I don’t think referring to the tip of my penis as a clit just for the purposes of sex breaks the word in question. It’s a simulation to keep my dysphoria from nailing me. If I actually started /permanently believing/ it was a clit, then you could be worried about delusion in me or word misuse.

Language does constantly change, but it’s a violation of language to sort of force an evolution. What I mean is, we have different words for things for a reason. They can and will change over time, though, yes. But more to the point of discussion, the same tissue thing is a pretty neat take on it.

@ Cassandra:
In reference to only your last question: I feel like language is so fluid, it really doesn’t matter what terms you use. I don’t think there’s anyway you could “preserve the integrity” of words, considering slang is constantly in flux – what used to mean happy now means homosexual, what used to be the worst thing to call a woman now has been reclaimed. Also, as a side note, the tissues that genitals develop from in the womb are pretty much the same stuff just rearranged into different shapes, so you could totally refer to whatever set you have however you want and still be essentially correct.

preface: mtf

I feel ambivalent about my genitalia, much like my gender. On one hand, I feel fully “Woman” (whatever that means, take it with a grain of salt). On the other, I think gender and by association sex are meaningless, and therefore I should accept the impossibility of my body as is.

I wouldn’t say I feel dysphoria, because I’m perfectly happy with my body the way it is and I enjoy being a woman. But yeah, sometimes both my (female) partner and I enjoy it if I’m a boy, both in bed and out of bed, and I’ll crossdress.

Luckily I have small breasts, so I can overcome that one by wearing a baggier tee-shirt, which is a fairly masucline move so it works out well. Having short hair and a slender physique kinda helps with the “boy look and feel” too, plus my look is fairly androgynous. Most of the time I’ll wear my packer (which I love, by the way…) with a pair of boy’s Y-fronts or my own panties beneath boxer-shorts. It does take a lot of imagination and mind-over-matter to “transform” myself into a guy, without having to resort to using a binder or strap-on (which are both uncomfortable and draw attention to the fact that I’m having to use something to “strap” the male side of myself onto my body), but luckily my partner and I are both good at doing just that. A lot of practice roleplaying in the bedroom, I’ll put it down to… ha ha!

This being said, I believe with a little imagination it can be somewhat easier for someone with female genitalia to adopt male, than someone with male genitalia to adopt female. A lot of the time I use mind-over-matter to imagine oral sex with a dildo or packer feeling “good”, or my partner will stimulate me by pressing the dildo/packer against my clit as she gives me a hand- or blow-job. Using the same technique, I can angle myself in just the right way that while I’m having sex with her the dildo will press against me and I’ll feel stimulation, which I can then imagine is coming from having “my penis” inside her. Like I said, it takes a lot of imagination and angling, but it’s something we’ve gotten used to and works for us.

Going off of what Cassandra said, I can see why a non-op or pre-op transman or transwoman would be a little offended or upset if their partner loved their genitalia or their former gender, but at the same time I believe that it probably differs with each person and their own personal feelings and emotions, and their relationship with their body.

I remember a couple I knew before they broke up, one was a non-op transman, and his girlfriend would continuously talk about his “pussy” in public and refer to him using female pronouns and his former female name, and it was obvious that he was pretty uncomfortable with this (and for good reason!). Then again, I knew another transman who was perfectly comfortable discussing his genitalia and such (I was one of the people he would talk with extensively about his journey, and who he would share his feelings and fears and emotions with) and didn’t seem to uncomfortable with it. Honestly, I think it depends on the person, but at the same time I can imagine how much it could upset a transexual to have their partner dote on something they don’t feel comfortable with.

Not too sure how this applies to me…

- wasn’t a need to imagine what my body parts should be
- not really any distaste for body parts
- not really any mental barriers to sex
- if it feels good and is safe, go for it!

As a non-op transwoman myself, I’ve thought a lot over certain statements by transwomen who intend to get SRS who bemoan or loathe their penis. I’ve pondered many questions for these girls over the years.

Mainly I wonder what sort of an effect your partner has on your own opinion of your male genitalia. For instance, if your partner is okay with or even prefers male genitalia, does that positively affect your opinion of your genitals as well? To what extent is the loathing generated by personal discomfort with your penis, and to what extent is the loathing generated by a fear of a negative reaction from a partner?

If it’s the former, your partner’s positive response probably won’t make a difference in your own level of disgust. In fact, the new question would be: does a partner who is positive about your male genitalia actually end disgusting you by merit of liking a part of yourself that you disgust?

And if it’s the latter, what sort of assurances or behaviours make you feel secure in your partner’s adoration of your male genitalia? Because it’s definitely difficult to let someone behind that wall once it’s been put up.

Also, while I am a big fan of alternative terminology with male genitalia, I worry about the potential dishonesty of some particular phrases. I’ve heard the penis referred to as a “boi clit” and a “big clit” both. Purely as an example, the former sort of creates a new, self-explanatory term for the penis that captures the reality of its anatomy as well as its differentiation from stock penis. The latter purports to be something it is not. This may be something that is too litigious to be worried about. And by potential dishonesty I don’t mean that people might feel lied to. Anyone who is might be hearing those terms is either in a situation where they’re already okay with whatever’s going on downstairs, or they’re a bigot whose opinion is irrelevant. I merely want to preserve the integrity of words themselves. Does anyone else feel some of these terms may be violating that? Does it matter? Food for thought.